Did anyone actually know that M&M’s stand for Mars & Murrie? Oh the wonders of Google and Wikipedia. This blog post was inspired by a Sour Patch Kids review written by Billy The Poet. Do I know said Billy? No. Before you go screaming “pyscho stalker” on me, take solace in the fact that we have a mutual friend, American Cheese, and I hope to one day meet Billy. Though, I hear Billy has moved on to
greener desert pastures–to Las Vegas and far away from the Bay Area. Your loss, Billy.
Based on the title, you may think that M&M’s are my favorite candy. While delicious, I usually tend to prefer things on the sour/fruity side. Growing up, I actually used to hate chocolate. This made going to birthday parties very difficult since every small child always has chocolate cake and/or chocolate ice cream at his/her birthday party. I was that obnoxious girl who just wouldn’t partake in dessert because I hated chocolate so much. My “go to” birthday cake? Mint chocolate chip ice cream with vanilla cake (only the mint could mask the disgusting taste of chocolate). I still remember my sister asking me: “Jackie, don’t you want chocolate cake to go with your mint chip ice cream?” No, who wants cake that looks and tastes “brown”?
I still don’t remember how old I was, but I remember my first memory of NOT cringing at chocolate. I ate a Hershey’s Kiss and for some reason… I thought it was OK. Soon, I opened my world to M&M’s. Over the years, I’ve tried a wide variety of M&M’s and I’m here to give you a breakdown of my thoughts.
Plain/Milk Chocolate M&M’s (B+): While they are the classics and aren’t bad, I never finding myself jonesing for a bag of the plain ones. You will not see me walk into a Walgreens scouring for a bag of milk chocolate M&M’s. The only time I eat them is post-Halloween when there is an abundance of mini, plain bags and the distance between the M&M’s to my mouth is not that far.
Peanut M&M’s (A-): I definitely enjoy the peanut variety more than the milk chocolate. I think it’s something about the salty/sweet flavor combo that I like. Or, maybe I just like the fact that they’re bigger and feel more substantial in my mouth (insert Michael Scott TWSS joke).
Frozen Peanut M&M’s (A++): When you put a bag of those bad boys in the freezer, it’s a whole new ball game. I’ve found that I like to eat cold things (i.e., cold pizza, cold chicken chow mein, cold spaghetti, etc.) and that putting things in the freezer often makes things better. I don’t know how or why I started it, but I discovered that frozen peanut M&M’s is my favorite kind. You might be thinking: “But Jackie, won’t I break my teeth on them?” Trust me. You won’t (Disclaimer: I don’t recommend this to the elderly. You know who you are). Someone should change the definition of torture in the dictionary:
torture–noun, 1. The duration of time it takes to freeze a bag of peanut M&M’s (typically 1-2 hours).
Continue reading for my thoughts on the other varieties.
Dark Chocolate M&M’s (C): I am not a fan of dark chocolate. I know that dark chocolate is “healthy” but if I’m eating chocolate, I’m not exactly doing it to be healthy. There’s a reason why milk chocolate tastes better–because it’s worse for you! Everyone knows that the more unhealthy something is, the better it tastes! If I wanted to eat dark chocolate, I’d just go to the schoolyard and eat a piece of chalk.
Peanut Butter M&M’s (C-): There is something I hate more than dark chocolate–peanut butter. Seems like an oxymoron considering how much I love the peanut M&M’s, but I don’t like peanut butter. It really doesn’t do much for me. I’d rather eat a bag of dark chocolate M&M’s than eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.
Coconut M&M’s (B-): I like coconut and these were funky. When you eat them, they don’t taste like coconut at all. But then you wait a few more seconds for the aftertaste and the coconut flavor comes rushing in. I kept biting these in half and looking to see if I could decipher some sort of clue as to what was causing the coconut flavor. I did not find anything. These were kind of too sweet and I probably won’t be picking up another bag soon.
Limited Edition Wild Cherry M&M’s (F): I was excited when I saw these in the store. I love Cherry Coke and other cherry-flavored projects (I’m looking at you, Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia). Walgreens only sold these in the bigger packs, but I was going to the movies and thought I could bring them with me and share. I open the bag and try one. They were disgusting…dare I say it…inedible. I can’t even remember why they tasted so bad (obviously, my brain has blocked this traumatic experience), but I threw the whole bag away. There was no way I was going to subject my friends to even trying it. This is probably why they were limited edition. Because they were awful.
torture–noun, 2. The act of eating limited edition Wild Cherry M&M’s.
Seasonal Mint M&M’s (A): These delicious morsels only come once a year around Christmas. This probably stems from my childhood love of mint chocolate chip ice cream, but the mint ones are sooo good. They’re not overly sweet and just the perfect combo of mint and chocolate (it’s like a crunchy Andes chocolate). Maybe the fact that they only come during the holidays make the mint M&M’s more near and dear to my heart. I recommend buying multiple bags around Christmas and storing them in your freezer (you already know my thoughts about cold things). Otherwise, you will have to pay $6/bag for them on eBay.
Extinct Crispy M&M’s (A): Oh crispy M&M’s. If I had known you would leave me forever in 2005, I would have cherished and appreciated you a little bit more. Why did they get rid of the crisped rice M&M’s that tasted like a Crunch bar in mini form? I will never understand. I think only these people feel my pain. Apparently, they’re still sold in certain countries in Asia and Australia, but I’m not willing to pay $30 for a box of them. I have my foodie limits people. UPDATE: There are rumors that crispy M&M’s are coming back for a limited time on June 30, 2011. If anyone has more information, please share!
OK, I could continue on sharing my thoughts about mini M&M’s that come in that plastic tube or personalized M&M’s (they’re actually really cute and who doesn’t want to eat candy with your face on it?). But this post has already exceeded my word expectations (I’ve already surpassed 1,100 words) and I bet you’ve stopped reading. If you made it to the end, kudos to you. Go celebrate with a bag of [frozen] peanut M&M’s.